Changes Again

It's not the new year yet the need for changes and resolutions seem to break through clouds of my mind. I am gladdened by these intentions but the question of whether I could accomplish, lest carry them out one by one prevails. Come to think of it, the previous week passed with already new formations in my realm; I am again back on chemical alterations to relax my unquiet mind.

I think I need a better paying job. Filing my income tax returns last Thursday resulted in a desirable refund that would help pay for existing debts, and maybe even plane tickets to Manila. But after that money is spent, I will return to a paycheck to paycheck maintenance. I am not getting any younger and after 4 years of high school, Paula will have to go to college. She has aspirations and I have dreams for her. It would only be fair and essential to make those dreams come true.

I need to get my ass out of the perpetual boredom and excuses to be happy. On my own. Needing people, especially significant others to render me satisfaction and pleasure only put me in desperation and virtual expectations. I really should BE happy solely, and soulfully as my own heart and mind dictate. I am wonderfully blessed with the creativity and amusement of ideas and objects abound enough to unblock my kindred desires. It is just a matter of persistently pursuing them.

I think I should stop here for now. I am starting to get overwhelmed again. And besides, my neighbors downstairs are making groaning sounds that are interrupting to my clean, or rather, clear thoughts... And they don't have dogs, yet the barking continues...

Wish me luck!