Lost Heaven

I feel I have lost the capacity to write the verses that not too long ago would just be spewed out of my breath. For about three months now, I have floated, raised up in the air to smell, take in deep fresh breaths of optimism and faith. Something magical lifted me up. Love sent me to the heavens.

The seventh heaven. Can it get any higher? This is where I ought to stay; this place I wish to belong. The gladness of being completely inspired and moved by genuine, human love gets so incomprehensible that most of the time we doubt its existence. It inhabits every human being. Yet a lot of us are wary of accepting it. And why shouldn’t we be? Is it maybe because the moment we found our true love we realize that a more fortunate being has a claim to it, guards it, and is the sole keeper of his heart?

I wish I could just pick love as I would pick a number - a favorite one. Some people say we choose who we love. Do we really? I chose. And chose. And chose. But was I ever successful in keeping my all-time favorite number? Finally, I chose not to choose. I didn’t wait. I just sat there watching the world go by, minding my own business and living the predictable life and period I placed myself in.

Then one day it suddenly fell on my lap. Without searching, and without a list of numbers to select, my favorite number showed up.

I started my travel upwards to the skies. Exactly three months ago my heart rose with wings that carried me up, first to the hills of excitement, then easily soaring the mountains of newfound bliss. As I reached these refreshing peaks of pleasure, I felt as whole again as I respired his scent of love and undivided attention. The bright blue skies were so overwhelming he offered me the shade of his awning to comfort and protect my sensitized feelings. Until one day, the rays of the iniquitous sun took my sight as well as my breath away…

Now I feel like I am starting to fall; back to the solid ground I have been standing on three months ago. The sack of heavy defeat falls on my back and I need to carry it. As I travel back to earth, I accept the significant burden. And as hard as I try to raise myself up to the posture of pride and dignity, this weight bears me down, my head bowing, my eyes watching the ground underneath the once blue skies now turned grey. Tears swell up my desolate eyes as streams fall down the ground below like heavy rainfall from a miserable storm.

Not too long ago I reached the 7th heaven where I rested and floated on cloud nine. There I felt his love for a moment; was gladdened by it and renewed by its unsurpassed emotion. But once again, I descended, felled with a heavy thump. With sack on my back, I walk defeated, failed and with lost hope, I am alone and without love.