Who you are

I have expressed my love many times and in so many ways; there shouldn't be any doubt about my feelings. The greatest gift of love I can offer a person - a man, in this case - would be high regard and respect. This comes as true love because it truly is about acceptance. It is my accepting of the nature and circumstances of HIS life - his family life - that has proven me of this genuine, deeply heartfelt feelings and valued respect I have for him. At the same time, it is his acceptance and understanding of my emotions and ideals (in this case, not to ruin or cause any problematic situation for him) which define his respect for me. Because he recognizes that I will not jeopardize his life by intruding on his marriage and family, he is giving me credit as an understanding and an intelligent person. He also gives me honor in letting me keep my dignity intact by realizing that I can, will, and most of all, do, love him without the conditions of any (false) hopes except the hope of remaining in his heart forever - in which case, he says I will.

I love you. I don't know how to explain it, but I know I do. It is not simply a deepset infatuation wherein I think of you constantly, fantasize about you, dream of being with you, feel you, smell you, make love with you, and rejoice with you. It is one true love where I wish for your success and happiness. It is love because your anxieties have become my anxieties. It is unconditional love because no matter how engrossed my fantasies are of you being mine, I consciously accept the reality that there is only one woman for you, forever, and it is your wife. This reality contributes to the other sorrows in my living world. However I know and feel that as sorrows come, so do joys. The happiness I get from knowing and loving you surmounts all my sorrows. Let me thank you for being alive. I know I have become and am already a part of your life.

In the movie, "Adaptation" Donald Kaufmann is telling his twin brother, Charlie, about this girl he fell in love with in high school. He is speaking of the time he expressed this love for and to her, and how it made him so happy he will never forget how this love felt. After listening to Donald, Charles reveals that he knew of this and even knew the fact that the girl spoke ill of him (Donald), ridiculing his love and him as a whole. Donald reacts to his brother with these words: "So? I don't care. That was her business." And then he says, "You are who you love, and not what loves you."

I hold these words very precious and close to my heart that it's now a mantra.
YOU ARE WHO YOU LOVE and NOT WHAT LOVES YOU